What If
by lizzylovesart
Summary: What if Bella never went to Jacob for help? What happens when she "wakes up" earlier and goes out with Jessica to Port Angles? Bella has a realization that could change the way she sees everything and sets off, determined to set everything straight and get her love back. Who does she ask for help and what happens on the to finding her Romeo? Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.


"Bella!" I jumped at the sound of my name, turned around to see who was shouting it, but not before I dropped the plate I was washing.

Charlie stood there in the door frame; his face scrunched up, eyebrows mashed together and face red. I knew this wasn't healthy for him, but I couldn't find myself to care enough. I know that is mean and selfish but nothing seemed to matter to me anymore.

When my eyes met his he seemed to understand I wasn't going to speak.

"I'm off to work and won't be home till late tonight, are you going to school today?" He used to ask this question every day since I returned to my senior classes. I haven't missed a day since. I nodded and turned back around to finish the dishes.

"I want you to go out tonight, it's Friday, and have some fun." Charlie told me, making me freeze in place.

"Why?" my voice was very sharp, yet at the same time lifeless. Charlie raised his brows and I heard him sigh.

"You need to get out of the house Bells." His soft husky voice echoed in my head.

Fine, I'll go with Jessica to a movie tonight in Port Angeles ok?" My voice, my monotone voice told him. He didn't say anything else as he walked out the door for work.

I really didn't want to go out with Jessica tonight, but what else could I do to get Charlie off my back? It was early morning yet, so I still had time before school started. Would Jessica even want to go out with me after literally ignoring her for three months? I had to try in any case.

I sat at the kitchen table, debating on how to ask her for a while until I decided that I sounded like a boy and needed to get to school. It was pouring rain today, meaning traffic was really slow. You would think someone who has lived here for—a year? Had it really been a year today that I started at Fork's high? I suppose so…great. You would think I would be used to this by now, the rain. I only seemed to want it to hold onto the feeling of _him_, because without it, _he _was harder to imagine.

I waited in my truck till I had minutes left from the bell then ran inside to my first class.

"Hey Jessica." I greeted her as I took my seat beside her. She looked at me as if I were crazy and turned back to her book. There were several people talking, so we shouldn't get into trouble for having a conversation.

"So, um, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Port Angeles with me after school. Catch a movie or something." I spat out quickly.

She was still looking at her book, "Why are you asking me?"

"I haven't had done anything for a while and you're the person I thought would be interested in doing something?" I wasn't exactly prepared for that question.

Jessica rolled her eyes and turned to look at me.

"Ok fine, what do you want to see?"

Uh oh, "Um, you can choose if you want. I don't really know what's playing." The last part could have not been said.

"Right, ok. How about that new romance comedy that got a lot of good reviews?" She suggested, almost smugly.

"I'm kind of in the mood for horror…." I lied, hoping this would change her mind.

"Hmm…well, there is this one that looks good, it's a zombie movie. My dad says it's really scary."

"Sounds great!" I interrupted, practically yelling it out, gaining a look from the teacher.

"Sure…so I will pick you up after school?"

"Yea," I nodded before turning back to the board.

The rest of the school day went by too quickly, much to my dismay. I wasn't exactly looking forward for tonight, but I knew from experience that once I got Jess talking, she could carry on a conversation with little involvement from me.

Once I reached my house I went to exchange mu wallet to a purse then went downstairs to lock up and go to Jessica's car.

At first she didn't talk at all, but when I changed the radio station to something more, rock-like, she turned on me like she had never seen me before.

"Sorry," was all I mumbled before I zoned her out of her continuous banter.

After what seemed like a shorter time than the usual drive there, we pulled into the theater, got out tickets and took a seat.

A romance. Why was there a romance scene in a horror movie!? Where were the blood and guts? I couldn't help but distract myself with this question while the on-screen couple played their roles very convincingly. I jumped out of my seat, ignoring the audience of irritation that started behind me and raced out of the theater, telling Jessica I was going to the bathroom. She looked at me bewildered, but let me go without a word.

I walked out of the theater instead of going to the restrooms, getting the fresh air that was much needed. The wind was cold, I craved instantly something else that was cold, hard yet so soft and loving. He broke his promise, I thought. It is entirely impossible to not remember him with everything I see. I knew I should be mad at him, but there is nothing there for me to hate. There was an itching deep down that told me that something more was going on than what he said. He was everywhere I looked, how absurd is it, to feel as though he is still with me? Not the feeling of my unwilling self to let go, but the think he _lied_.

How many times did he say he loved me, just earlier that day of my dreadful birthday he told me—I slumped to the ground where I was walking along the side walk. My breathing escalating, thinking of something I loved so much, but was out of my reach. He told me he would rather _die_ than be without me. How could that change so quickly? He once told me about how, once an immortal finds something like a mate, they change forever. If that was true…then there was the possibility that he still loved me?

I looked up then, actually seeing what was in front of me. A bar, with neon lights shining in the windows saying it was open. Men on motorcycles sat out front, with women dressed in the tightest and shortest clothing possible hanging around them.

One stared at me oddly, and oddly enough Déjà vu hit me along with another wave of pain. The blonde male with no girl hanging on him sat on his shiny black motorcycle staring straight at me. No concern in his eyes, but an appraising and calculating look. I stood quickly then without thinking, and started walking towards him. Then a few more steps till I was about halfway down the alley in which the bar sat. I stopped suddenly when my eyes clouded over and my eyes stared ringing gently. I focused again, and saw Edward, standing in front of me, so close yet so out of reach.

My breath was knocked from me as I stared at him, standing no less than a foot from me. His eyes were the beautiful honey gold I loved, yearned, yet he was not smiling and his eyes were hard and angry.

"Turn around Bella." My angel spoke, sounding his musical voice that was full of venom. He was angry with me. I couldn't have that, so I turned my body, but continued to look at him. No! My mind shouted, stay with him! I turned back, whimpering. My chest didn't hurt, but as I leaned into where Edward stood he vanished. I stumbled a bit trying to regain my balance. My chest flared now but I welcomed the pain, it reminded me that he is real. He once told me himself my imagination wasn't that great, a laughing matter at the time. The man on the motorcycle looked at me still, probably classifying my being as crazy, unstable.

I stared at him a moment longer, willing Edward to come back. Nothing. Closing the distance between me and the motorcycle man didn't take long, but it was the longest few seconds I had felt since the end. I couldn't hear everything, see everything. I wished desperately to be numb again, but I couldn't.

"Hey there." The blonde man spoke. I didn't respond, but stepped closer.

"You want a ride beautiful?" his voice was seductive, scratchy.

Again I didn't say anything, just got onto his bike while the man chuckled, probably at how easy I was. As he started to ride off down the alley Edward appeared again, his face pained and furious. We quickly passed him though, until I saw him ahead, in front of where we were heading. We would run right through him.

I panicked; "STOP!" came screamed out of my mouth. The biker stopped quickly, sliding to the side just passing my beautiful hallucination. I sighed in relief, yet let the tears fall down my face as Edward disappeared again.

I quickly got off the bike and walked back to the street I came from originally. Jessica would be worried, but I couldn't go back into the theater now, so I just sat on the curb, people watching. Tears continued rolling freely and soundlessly down my face, especially whenever a couple would come walking along, holding hands. I missed it, and I missed Edward. Nothing made sense though! One day he tells me he can live without me and the next he leaves? Did he lie to me to protect me? Did he _leave_ to protect me? Just as he said he would in Phoenix last year…My thoughts trailed off as I felt a rage and rush of anger. How could he!

It only makes sense! The anger was short lived however as I felt like the stupidest human being alive, no pun intended.

I had to find him, was my resolve, I had to go.

I remembered the story that Carlisle told me about the Denali Clan in Alaska. I could go there; I would get them to help me! They would be easy enough to convince, all I had to do was tell them—

"Bella!" Jessica's voice rang through my ears sharply. I looked up to see her with dire confusion mixed with anger on her face.

"Hey, sorry Jess I just wasn't feeling so great, so I came outside." I lied.

She didn't seem to believe me, but I didn't care.

"Do you mind if we head home?" I asked pathetically. I knew she was really mad now, as she turned coldly and headed to her car.


End file.
